Living Sacrifice

My biggest struggle at the moment is acting/doing. I can say the right things. Think the right things. Decide. Make good choices. But a lot of things I'm not actually doing. I have become a hypocrite, apathetic. I HATE that! But as much as I say it, think about it...I'm not doing anything to change it. I know that I need to spend more time in worship and time alone with God. I want to...I know that I will learn so much, that God will speak to me, but....I don't know if I'm just lazy or what it is. I just haven't done it. I make up lame excuses in my mind.
I DO a lot of good things. Actually, pretty much everything I do is a "good" thing, but I don't think it's necessarily what I'm supposed to be doing, how I'm spending my time. There's no recipe or specific life plan I can just follow, so it's choices are difficult. I'm ready to move on. I want the next few weeks to just be over, but there's so much in these next few weeks to enjoy. I need to start listening and acting on things. I need to rearrange a lot of things in my life, but I don't know what. What I need is a good smack in the face! But no one can see this, since I'm not doing anything "bad." So I guess this whole post is just a cry out to the cosmos. -> I'm saying it out loud that I need to change!
God, help me to change! Shape me! May "me" not get in the way of You! May I not just pray these words, but act upon them. May the love in my life not just be a noun but a moving verb. Teach me! I know that you will bless me when I follow your will. I am so sorry for my laziness and apathy. You are so good! So worthy of my praise and so on! I love you so much! I want YOU to be in control, not me!
Today, I kind of crashed for a few moments. God is in control, and I am not. I am a perfectionist, but not everything will always be perfect. People are not going to be what I want them to be. Things can't go according to my plans.
I know, I know you read this whole post and just nod because I'm going in circles....well, welcome to my mind!