Don't get comfortable!

That means that soon...you'll have to be stretched!

when I thought it was done (getting some thoughts out)

(Just don't read this.)

When can one make an effort to make things better?
When is it truly out of my hands?
How can I balance?
Why do I feel so impelled to continue even considering trying to be a friend?
Why do you feel that way?
Why am I putting myself out there?
What do you see in me that you hate so much?
What can I do to change that?
Do I need to change?
Or is it you that needs to change?
Who am I to judge that?
Why am I so worried about this?
Why is this a problem again, after I thought it was forgotten?
Why can't I DO anything?

fantastic, majestic, brilliant, wonderful, the epitome of...

So recently I've read the book Farenheit 451 and right now in English class we're reading the book 1984. Now, if you've never read these books, they're classics. Both are very thought provoking. Farenheit 451 is a story about a man of the future, a firefighter who instead of fighting fires rather is in charge of burning books. Books are evil, silly, everything in them is nonsense, so there is no point of having them. In 1984, (which I'm only a little less than half-way through) the world is controlled by Big Brother. Basically the government controls everything, EVERYTHING! Even ones thoughts....if any action you take shows even an inkling that you are thinking for yourself, you "vanish," you are erased from society. History is changed. All there is is anger. Anger unifies. Any other emotion is too powerful, to passionate. Even language is narrowed down to smal words, creativity is no longer necessary, even tolerated.

These books make me both grateful and afraid. After reading Farenheit 451 I want to read everything I get my hands on. I want to become more knowledgable, fill my brain. I've heard that there is so much space in ones brain that they will never use. 1984 makes me want to learn to words, expand my vocabulary. The books makes me want to stop saying "like" with every sentence. I want to have deep conversations and be challenged. I want to be asked hard questions that I don't know the answer to. I want feel. I want to be real. I want to write. I want to experience things I've never experienced before. I want to find brilliance in the day to day. I want to create. I want to do things people wouldn't expect me to do. I want to think outside box.

being young

Don't let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in life, in love, in faith, and in purity. Until I come, devote yourself to the public reading of Scripture, to the preaching and to teaching. Do not neglect your gift, which was given to you through a prophetic message when the body of elders laid their hands on you.
Be diligent in these matters, give yourself wholly to them, so that everyone may see your progress. Watch your life and doctrine closely. Persevere in them, because if you do, you will save both yourself and your hearers. 1 Timothy 4:12-16

Flee the evil desires of your youth and pursue righteousness, faith, love and peace, along with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart. 2 Timothy 2:22


There's so much to say. What a call to those who are young! What an opportunity! We are not called to just learn, or listen, or watch, or just grow up as the world spins, or wait to explore, lead and be....but we are called right NOW, when we are young, to be examples! Us! Of all people! People see us, they look to us, younger and older. Some say we are the future of the church. Yes, this is true, but we are the church! I am part of the church! The body of Christ! Even though I don't have as much experience as the Sunday School teacher, or the pastor, or the old guy that serves communion, or the organist. I am part of the body and God has called me, he has called you, to be an example of His love, His mercy, His grace.

How can I be an exampe in my speech? How can the words I say hinder or help those around me? My image? How can I worship Christ by the words I say?
How can I be an example in life? In how I live? In the decisions I make? In my attitude?
How can I be an example in love? In how I treat others? Am I being real? authentic? What is my purpose? How can I spread Christ's love?
How can I be an example in faith? Am I really in this relationship? Do I trust God, or myself? Do I say one thing and act another? How am I living my life? God's way?
How can I be an example in purity? Are my motivations pure? Is my life pure? Am I lukewarm? cold? hot? Does my life reflect righteousness? Are my thoughts noble, admirable, lovely?

God call us, even now, to immerse ourselves in teaching, preaching, scripture, prayer. Do not neglect your gifts! What am I called to? How can I serve God with these passions? What desires has he laid on my heart? God will bless us! He calls us to do away with the "evil desires of our youth," and pursue good things-righteousness, faith, love, and peace. We are not alone. God is soo good! God never fails! You are called!

Personally, this verse has really helped me. It's soo strange growing up and always being too young. And now as I finally am getting to the stange of being....well, not too young. It's a scary and daunting and overwhelming thing. I can't possible be old enough to be 18! I'm not old enough to be on my own. I'm not old enough to take college classes, to be a local ministerial candidate. But they tell me I'm old enough. God reminded me of these verses, challenged me really. Even if I feel young...He has called me. Here and now. Not later, not next week, not in a couple of years, not after college.....now! I am His! What can I do to worship him? To minister to my friends? children? families? the church?

Do not neglect your gifts!
Be diligent!
Give yourself wholly!
Immerse!
Devote!
Persevere!

I am Yours

I am Yours!

Wow! What powerful words I have spoken! And yet never could I fully realize how bold they are! I am Yours! Words of comfort to me! Joy! Unending love!

I am Yours! Hold me, Lord! I am your child, the daughter of a King, whose love is beyond measure! You are my father! I trust you! You have taught be so much! I am Yours! Thanks for being their to catch me, because You love me that much, because I am Yours!

I am Yours! What a challenge! So much trust! Do with me as your will, Lord! My life is in Your hands! I trust you with my EVERYTHING, my life, my desires, my future....! Just as Mary said, "do with me as your will! I am Your servant!" So I say, I am Yours!

I am Yours! I am not my own! I am nothing without You! You are my everything! Together we are love! Your are my God! I am Yours! Who am I to have control! You are so big! I am so little!

I am Yours! Only Yours, Lord! Words of love! Passion! A promise! What an intimate moment of worship! I've never fully realized the power of these three little words! I imagine that moment when I could give my self to the man I have committed my whole heart, my whole life to. And I would say, "I am yours, I am no one else's, but yours. I want no one else! You have captured my whole heart. You are wonderful! I love you! I am yours!" But before this man, I have fallen head over heals for my Savior. He is the lover of my soul! I am Yours, Lord! You have captured my whole heart! What an awesome God! You are so good!

And truly, Lord, may it be so, I am Yours!

Sick of being sick

You know when you dive into the pool, and your ear's fill with water. You feel them plug, but there's this instinct in you...you look forward to the relief of draining the water out. I love that feeling! It's just one of those simple joys in life.

Except when your sick, and your ears are plugged, your inner ears are plugged. You look for relief and the relief never comes. And then this pressure builds up, and sniffling only adds to the pressure even though your nose can't decide whether it wants to run or be stuffed...reminds you that you're human, I guess. When you expect to feel better, and only continue to feel worse.

Relief will come, eventually.......I hope.

God is good! All the time! He is good!

I hate television

Television consumes you and I hate that. Television is a good thing. It's entertaining and relaxing, but it consumes you. I always feel guilty after spending an hour, a couple hours, an afternoon, watching TV. To think of the things I could have done during that time. My mind remembers this, always, but my body yearns for a time to relax, take a load off, and it easily forms to the couch. It's lazy, really. And then I feel guilty all over again.

There's just a little insight to the makings of Bethany.

Ear Infection

So after being sick earlier this week, today an ear infection hit me, full on. It hurts soooooooo bad and it keeps getting worse as the day goes on.

I just think it's interesting. Everything coming in my left ear is muffled. When there are lots of things going on, it's really hard to focus on one specific sound. I can be having a conversation with someone. I can look strait at them and know they are talking, hear their voice, but I have no idea the words coming out of their mouth. I keep asking them to repeat again and again what they've said.
I can totally see this in my communication with God. I know He's there, right here, and he's talking. He knows all and has great plans. I can also feel Him at times, hear snippets, but I can't get the whole message. I keep crying out, "God, guide me! Show me the way!" But there's always stuff in the way, like ear infections, busy schedules. My life is so LOUD that I can't hear him.
Not until I silence the other voices, and focus on hearing only His voice, those coveted, unknown words will I get their full meaning and effect. And it's worth enduring the pain for.

Women in Ministry

I've been reading recently a lot about women in ministry. Something I'm very fascinated in since that is what I've been called into. I always have wondered how 1 Timothy 2:11-12 could possibly mean.

"A woman should learn in quietness and full submission. I do not permit a woman to teach or to have authority over a man; she must be silent."

Could that mean that women shouldn't be pastors or church leaders? Surely not. Paul in many of his leaders encourages many women who he as been serving with. Such as Junia, Lydia, and Priscilla. After reading a few commentaries on this passage I have drawn some conclusions. 1 Timothy was written for the church in Ephesus. There were a lot of troubles here that were hurting the church and disrupting worship. Paul mentions throughout 1 Timothy certain things such as anger and disputes, as well as women who were dressing immodestly, questioning authority and teaching falsley. In order for the church to be unified and the church to worship, Paul says that these things must be stopped. Clearly women were becoming a problem in Ephesus.
The thing that I found the most interesting in this passage actually goes back to its original greek. The only time Paul uses the word authentein to stand for authority is in this passage when He says that women should not have authority over men. This is very unique. Unlike other words for authority, Paul uses this one. Authentein rather than to have authority over, or be in charge means to domineer. In other words, Paul did not want the women to dominate the church, like a tyrant domineers. I believe this is the case for all people, tyranny is never a good thing. Paul encourages women throughout his letters to teach. We do need to be quiet and submissive, everyone, so that we can learn.


Another interesting thing that I read about is the possible author of Hebrews. The true writer of Hebrews is unknown, some ideas for authors include: Barnabas, Apollos, Paul, Luke, and Priscilla?!??!?! Yes, a woman may have been the author of the books of the Bible. Because the name of the writer was lost, some believe, had Priscilla written it, her name might have been left off manuscripts because of prejudice. Priscilla was an active member of the early church. She was good friends and ministry partners with both Paul and Timothy. This places her in the right time frame. Many also believe there are some themes and passages of Hebrews that seem more feminine, or seem to have a female writer. The author sometimes refers to "we" as well. Some believe that Priscilla and her husband, Aquilla, may have written teh book togeher. It is believed the book was first written as a sermon.
Makes sense to me. : )

Pretty cool stuff. I find it very interesting. I certainly intend to keep looking.