March 30, 2008
Confession
A lot of times I say and feel like I KNOW God is there and KNOW that he loves me and that He is good. I KNOW all of that, but I don't feel it! And now I've been realizing how much I don't just say that, but act it out, myself! I KNOW that I should spend time with Him, I KNOW that He is there and it is I that must open the door, call out to Him, take a step, draw closer. I keep saying that I'll have time later. I've been procrastinating! I HATE that! I don't procrastinate. I work on everything else, yet I wait and put aside the most important part of life. The only REAL thing in the scheme of things. Even though I KNOW it won't matter after this life whether I got my paper done a week early and it WILL matter that I spent some time with God in worship and service, I still put the latter off for later. I WANT to, but I don't. I like the idea, but I don't follow through. I really need help with that. I hate that I've become just a talker. I've become one of my biggest pet peeves: apathetic!
March 27, 2008
Come to me and rest
I need a break...
I am so weary of everything!
So much on my mind (people especially) and so much I want to do. I feel like I have to put on the Bethany face.
My mom is not doing to well, and that really wears on me...she's never the one that doesn't want to get out of bed, or cries because it hurts so much.
I have friends that are going through so much right now, and I can't DO anything for them, except just be here and pray.
And now I'm going away for a couple of days, exciting as it may be, and I can't be here for anybody, or get anything done.
and I feel pitiful, and selfish for feeling all this...
Come to me all you who are weary and burdened and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart....
I am so weary of everything!
So much on my mind (people especially) and so much I want to do. I feel like I have to put on the Bethany face.
My mom is not doing to well, and that really wears on me...she's never the one that doesn't want to get out of bed, or cries because it hurts so much.
I have friends that are going through so much right now, and I can't DO anything for them, except just be here and pray.
And now I'm going away for a couple of days, exciting as it may be, and I can't be here for anybody, or get anything done.
and I feel pitiful, and selfish for feeling all this...
Come to me all you who are weary and burdened and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart....
March 24, 2008
but it hurts to get outside the box....
So in my last post I was talking about getting outside the box, doing something different, unexpected. I realized that I'm afraid...all I can think of to do differently is all stuff that would be...well, wrong. I want to do something unexpected, but I really don't want to scare people away, or myself. I don't wan to hurt anyone or myself. I am a people pleaser. I want to be dependable, reliable, so I feel like I can't do anything unexpected...and that's what's putting me in a box. I had this dream last night that I was driving down a street like crazy: speeding, passing cars using the sidewalk like some car chase. I passed this cop and I didn't care. I stopped and thought to myself..what the heck am I doing? and just decided I didn't care and kept on going. That scares me a lot, I don't want to become that....I don't know what to with myself. Going with the motions I guess is just the comfortable thing to do.....ugh comfort zones!
March 21, 2008
getting outside the box
Do you ever get into a groove? Just get so used to things that they don't mean anything anymore? Just going with the flow? With the motions?
I hate that!!
But that's what I feel like my life is in that kind of mode! But I'm antsy!
But I want to be different! Bold! Used!!! Challenged!! I want to do something! Out of the ordinary! I just want to move!!! I want to find! Discover!
I want to open a new chapter!
Go on an adventure!
Take a leap into the unknown!
March 18, 2008
Much Ado About Nothing
Beatrice - "What fire is in mine ears? Can this be true?
Stand I condemn'd for pride and scorn so much?
Contempt, farewell, and maiden pride, adieu!
No glory lives behind the back of such.
And, Benedick, love on. I will requite thee,
Taming my wild heart to thy loving hand.
If thou dost love, my kindness shall incite thee.
To bind our loves up in holy band;
For others say thou dost deserve, and I
Believe it better than reportingly."
Beatrice - "Will you eat not your word?"
Benedick - "With no sauce that can be devised to it. I protest I love thee."
Benedick - "Peace! I will stop your mouth!"
There's so much more!!! Shakespeare brilliant!! I just thought I would share a few of my favorite parts with you! : ) Enjoy!!
Stand I condemn'd for pride and scorn so much?
Contempt, farewell, and maiden pride, adieu!
No glory lives behind the back of such.
And, Benedick, love on. I will requite thee,
Taming my wild heart to thy loving hand.
If thou dost love, my kindness shall incite thee.
To bind our loves up in holy band;
For others say thou dost deserve, and I
Believe it better than reportingly."
Beatrice - "Will you eat not your word?"
Benedick - "With no sauce that can be devised to it. I protest I love thee."
Benedick - "Peace! I will stop your mouth!"
There's so much more!!! Shakespeare brilliant!! I just thought I would share a few of my favorite parts with you! : ) Enjoy!!
March 16, 2008
Lent, and some other things on my mind
Thanks for your help with the last post guys! I've been doing a lot of thinking...and praying! : )
So for lent I gave up listening to the radio and everything except milk and water to drink. It's been good..hard, but good. More than anything I've learned a lot about choices. I've really come to appreciate some things. It's good have something in your life as a constant challenge. It kind of helps you to keep your focus, like a little reminder. Maybe that is poor logic, but I think it makes sense. So I'm looking forward to going back to enjoying those things, but I've definitely gained a new appreciate for taste and the calming effect the radio has...lol.
I've been reading a few Shakespeare comedies. I had forgotten how funny they were. The man is brilliant. I would love to go see more plays and dramas, broadway, etc, etc!!! As You Like It is my ultimate favorite comedy. Taming of the Shrew is really good. Twelfth Night is funny, but not as good as the others I don't think. I'm in the middle of Much Ado About Nothing, but it's really good so far. : ) They really don't take that long to read, which is kind of bittersweet.
I am very ready to be done with high school, I only have two months left! I'm sooo bored at school, I have to bring stuff from home to do. I wish I could leave half-way through the day and just get everything done in the morning...oh well. It's strange that everything is coming to a close. Kind of sad, but I'm ready to move on....just not ready to leave.
Thanks for reading my ramblings!
So for lent I gave up listening to the radio and everything except milk and water to drink. It's been good..hard, but good. More than anything I've learned a lot about choices. I've really come to appreciate some things. It's good have something in your life as a constant challenge. It kind of helps you to keep your focus, like a little reminder. Maybe that is poor logic, but I think it makes sense. So I'm looking forward to going back to enjoying those things, but I've definitely gained a new appreciate for taste and the calming effect the radio has...lol.
I've been reading a few Shakespeare comedies. I had forgotten how funny they were. The man is brilliant. I would love to go see more plays and dramas, broadway, etc, etc!!! As You Like It is my ultimate favorite comedy. Taming of the Shrew is really good. Twelfth Night is funny, but not as good as the others I don't think. I'm in the middle of Much Ado About Nothing, but it's really good so far. : ) They really don't take that long to read, which is kind of bittersweet.
I am very ready to be done with high school, I only have two months left! I'm sooo bored at school, I have to bring stuff from home to do. I wish I could leave half-way through the day and just get everything done in the morning...oh well. It's strange that everything is coming to a close. Kind of sad, but I'm ready to move on....just not ready to leave.
Thanks for reading my ramblings!
March 13, 2008
prayer
If you're "praying" for someone...what does that mean? Does that mean you've "prayed" for them? Or that you are continuing to think about them? Is constant prayer really worrying, but okay? It says in Thessalonians to pray continually, what does that mean...I mean, prayer is important, but what about faith? If we keep bringing the same requests to God really mean we have to keep giving them back because we keep taking them back? Can't you know that God is going to take care of it, He's in control and leave it there? Why does it feel good when people say they are praying for you, why do we ask people to pray for us??? Or does praying continually really mean constantly in fellowship with God, talking to him about anything and everything.
March 7, 2008
3am
So last night I had this dream, I've never had a dream like it before...
There was this little boy, maybe 7 or 8 years old. I don't remember what type of clothes he had, but I do remember that he was bald. He was looking at me and then turned to this idol of some kind. Then he poured blood all over and around it. In the blood he wrote the word MARY with his finger. Then he got up, looked at me again, and started bowing to the idol. It was almost as if he was doing it all in spite of me, the look in his eye.
I woke up. It was 3'o'clock in the morning with a terrible headache. I remember thinking...I've never had a dream like that before. It was really scary, a different kind of fear then any other. My first thought was this was some kind of devil worship. I didn't know what to make of it. All I could do was pray for this kid. I feel like this is some real boy out there. I just prayed for him, and for kids. I don't know what to make of it.
There was this little boy, maybe 7 or 8 years old. I don't remember what type of clothes he had, but I do remember that he was bald. He was looking at me and then turned to this idol of some kind. Then he poured blood all over and around it. In the blood he wrote the word MARY with his finger. Then he got up, looked at me again, and started bowing to the idol. It was almost as if he was doing it all in spite of me, the look in his eye.
I woke up. It was 3'o'clock in the morning with a terrible headache. I remember thinking...I've never had a dream like that before. It was really scary, a different kind of fear then any other. My first thought was this was some kind of devil worship. I didn't know what to make of it. All I could do was pray for this kid. I feel like this is some real boy out there. I just prayed for him, and for kids. I don't know what to make of it.
March 2, 2008
Armor of God
Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. For our struggles is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against authorities, against the powers of the dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the spirit, which is the word of God. And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the saints. Pray also for me, that whenever I open my mouth, words may be given me so that I will fearlessly make known the mystery of the gospel, for which I am an ambassador in changes. Pray that I may declare it fearlessly, as I should.
Ephesians 6:10-20
Notes
Nothing to cover our backs-we are to face our adversaries, we are to “stand”
Not just about how I can protect myself, it is about being “in Christ.”
“You have to go through Jesus to get to me!”
Not about mounting a massive attack –Stand!-Pray!
Defensive
always on/essentials
Belt of Truth – our first piece of armor, covers very vulnerable area. (Covers vital organs for digestion and reproduction) We must understand and see truth first and foremost. We must stand for truth without compromise. Jesus is truth.
Breastplate of Righteousness – Walking and living according to Jesus, everyday. We must choose to put that on. (Covers vital organs - heart and lungs) What are you taking in? What are you “exhaling” out? The heart, set of person’s will…attitude/character/integrity of righteousness?
Feet fitted with…Peace – “Shoes enable a soldier to walk over all sorts of terrain and to make long marches.” We have security, love. Face the devil with calm assurance, no fear. Jesus has already defeated the devil. Part of peace is preparation to face death/persecution/trials. (Phil 4:6)
Armed/”take up”-great urgency
Shield of Faith – our most powerful weapon, responding in faith. Creating a wall of defense when banding together.
Helmet of Salvation – Jesus is my Savior. Protects mind/brain/head- real spiritual battlefield. You cannot save yourself.
Offensive
Sword of the Spirit – The word of God is our only offensive and defensive weapon. A tool. Respond with scripture. Strength (James 4:8) and the devil must flee (James 4:7).
Lord, by faith here’s what I’m doing right now to prepare myself for the coming days. I’m putting on the belt of truth. I ask You to make it very clear to me wheat I am to accept in my life and what I am to reject. Help me to see clearly the motives of others as they deal with me and converse with me. Let me walk in Your truth, making decisions and choices according to Your plans and purposes for my life.
I am putting on the breastplate of righteousness. Guard my emotions today. Protect my heart. Help me to take into my life only the things that are pure, and nothing that is poison or polluting. Help me to live in integrity and to have a reputation based upon doing, saying, believing, thinking, and feeling the right things. Help me to live in right relationship with You every moment of this coming day.
I am putting on my spiritual boots. Help me to stand and walk in Your peace and to move forward in ways that bring Your peace and love to others. Help me to have the full confidence and assurance that come from knowing that I am filled with the peace that only You can give to those who are Your children. Help me to be a peacemaker. Show me where to walk and how to walk as You would walk.
I am picking up the shield of faith. Help me to trust You to be my Victor in every area of life today. Help me to trust You to defend me, provide for me, and keep me in safety every hour of this day.
I am putting on my helmet of salvation. Guard my mind today. Bring to my remembrance all that You have done for me as my Savior. Let me live in the hope and confidence that You are saving me-rescuing me and delivering me-from evil.
I am picking up my sword of the Spirit, the Word of God. Bring to my remembrance today the verses of the Bible that I have read and memorized, and help me to apply them to the situations and circumstances I will face. Let me use Your Word to bring Your light into the darkness of this world and to defeat the devil when he comes to tempt me.
Father, I want to b fully clothed with identity of Jesus Christ today. I am in Christ. He is in me. Help me to fully realize and accept that He is my Truth, my Righteousness, my Peace, my Savior, the source of my faith, and the ever-present Lord of my life.
I want to bring glory to Your name today. I ask all of this in the name of Jesus. Amen.
(Stanley, Charles F., When the Enemy Strikes, p170-171)
Ephesians 6:10-20
Notes
Nothing to cover our backs-we are to face our adversaries, we are to “stand”
Not just about how I can protect myself, it is about being “in Christ.”
“You have to go through Jesus to get to me!”
Not about mounting a massive attack –Stand!-Pray!
Defensive
always on/essentials
Belt of Truth – our first piece of armor, covers very vulnerable area. (Covers vital organs for digestion and reproduction) We must understand and see truth first and foremost. We must stand for truth without compromise. Jesus is truth.
Breastplate of Righteousness – Walking and living according to Jesus, everyday. We must choose to put that on. (Covers vital organs - heart and lungs) What are you taking in? What are you “exhaling” out? The heart, set of person’s will…attitude/character/integrity of righteousness?
Feet fitted with…Peace – “Shoes enable a soldier to walk over all sorts of terrain and to make long marches.” We have security, love. Face the devil with calm assurance, no fear. Jesus has already defeated the devil. Part of peace is preparation to face death/persecution/trials. (Phil 4:6)
Armed/”take up”-great urgency
Shield of Faith – our most powerful weapon, responding in faith. Creating a wall of defense when banding together.
Helmet of Salvation – Jesus is my Savior. Protects mind/brain/head- real spiritual battlefield. You cannot save yourself.
Offensive
Sword of the Spirit – The word of God is our only offensive and defensive weapon. A tool. Respond with scripture. Strength (James 4:8) and the devil must flee (James 4:7).
Lord, by faith here’s what I’m doing right now to prepare myself for the coming days. I’m putting on the belt of truth. I ask You to make it very clear to me wheat I am to accept in my life and what I am to reject. Help me to see clearly the motives of others as they deal with me and converse with me. Let me walk in Your truth, making decisions and choices according to Your plans and purposes for my life.
I am putting on the breastplate of righteousness. Guard my emotions today. Protect my heart. Help me to take into my life only the things that are pure, and nothing that is poison or polluting. Help me to live in integrity and to have a reputation based upon doing, saying, believing, thinking, and feeling the right things. Help me to live in right relationship with You every moment of this coming day.
I am putting on my spiritual boots. Help me to stand and walk in Your peace and to move forward in ways that bring Your peace and love to others. Help me to have the full confidence and assurance that come from knowing that I am filled with the peace that only You can give to those who are Your children. Help me to be a peacemaker. Show me where to walk and how to walk as You would walk.
I am picking up the shield of faith. Help me to trust You to be my Victor in every area of life today. Help me to trust You to defend me, provide for me, and keep me in safety every hour of this day.
I am putting on my helmet of salvation. Guard my mind today. Bring to my remembrance all that You have done for me as my Savior. Let me live in the hope and confidence that You are saving me-rescuing me and delivering me-from evil.
I am picking up my sword of the Spirit, the Word of God. Bring to my remembrance today the verses of the Bible that I have read and memorized, and help me to apply them to the situations and circumstances I will face. Let me use Your Word to bring Your light into the darkness of this world and to defeat the devil when he comes to tempt me.
Father, I want to b fully clothed with identity of Jesus Christ today. I am in Christ. He is in me. Help me to fully realize and accept that He is my Truth, my Righteousness, my Peace, my Savior, the source of my faith, and the ever-present Lord of my life.
I want to bring glory to Your name today. I ask all of this in the name of Jesus. Amen.
(Stanley, Charles F., When the Enemy Strikes, p170-171)
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