I <3 VBS...

I cannot wait for this summer!
I love the planning for Children's Ministry stuff: all the creative stuff and stuff to get done. I love learning to be inovative and effective, seeing what works and what doesn't. I love finding new ways to encourage learning and fun and love!
I will probably spend too much time on all of this stuff for the summer, but I love it so much that I think that's okay!
I am so thankful that God put this passion in my heart and that I get to do this for the rest of my life! :)
We'll see how it goes...being a college student/dorm liver this semester...lol

...this will be interesting!

Christmas Lessons

This Christmas season the topic that has been on my mind is the hope that Christ brings to earth.

I started reading Isaiah last week, on accident (ooooh God! ;) ) and saw quite a bit of not so fun stuff happening. Before Christ all there was, and is, is hopelessness, pain, and suffering. The way really seems clouded, no solution, only darkness. But then there is a hope. Isaiah 9 offers a solution...a Savior will be born. And he will come, as God with us?!?! God wants to help, he wants to offer hope, grace, mercy, and love! Whether in history, or in our own lives, there is only darkness but Christ brings light! He desires to bring hope and salvation.

I think we need to be more intentional about making the connection from Christmas to Easter. We celebrate Christmas in that Jesus came to earth to save us, and how did He save us? By dying on the cross as an atonement for our sins. It's all connected, one story! We don't celebrate a birthday just for the birth, we celebrate the life!

God is so good! He has blessed be abundantly this season, this year! I am so glad that I can celebrate Christmas, celebrate life, celebrate His life all year long!

Merry Christmas!

Freshman Year Fall Semester...

is over! And I cannot believe how fast it went!
Over the past few months I've...

• learned to like milk
• not gained the freshman 15, maybe like the freshman 5 - in a good way (lol)
• switched roommates - had two rooms
• danced at Olivet
• rode the train
• gone to Chicago (Chicago Symphony Orchestra and the Grand Lux Cafe)
• gone to many a volleyball game and football game
• cheered on Intermaurals
• walked over ice
• sweated
• performed
• Christmas partied
• Birthday partied
• and eaten a whole lot of cake!
• expanded my musical range
• gotten somewhat involved
• made a boat load of friends!
• been changed...and yet stayed the same
• filled out a late pass (yes, only one! lol)
• worked
• passed all my classes
• learned a lot about God
• lived the Olivet traditions
• gone home
• eaten at every possible place to eat on campus
• voted
• created new ministry philosophies
• read some great books
• found no man (just if you were curious...)
• etc

:)

College + Bethany =

So what have I been up to lately?

Well today is the last home game/colorguard performance and it's FREEZING!!! It will probably snow......in other words, I'm glad it's over, but I wish it would have been over 2 weeks ago!

All the big semester papers and projects are closing in!
I can't believe it's the middle of November!
I'm soo excited for the holidays - to see family and friends and take a break!

I had an early Thanksgiving last weekend, which was amazing! Except for the fact that my dad broke his ankle...but at least I can say I was there!

I'm trying to learn sign language.

I registered for classes for next semester. I'm taking Child Development Psychology, Honors, Biblical Hermaneutics, Western Civ. and Studies in Literature (plus a Wellness Lab).

I'm putting off my J-term stuff until break.

I watched 7 episodes of The Office last night, from seasons 1 and 2 while knitting a scarf and I think I'm gonna go do some more of that....

update

So I haven't blogged in awhile so here's a little update...anything and everything I can think of:

I got strait A's on my midterm. (woot!)
This is Homecoming weekend, so it's a little crazy here. Our class schedules got a little mixed up today with Homecoming chapel and other events happening. We were supposed to have our 11am class at 9:30 and that was the only class I had all day. My phone, which I use for my alarm, fell off my bed some time last night so it didn't wake me up this morning. I woke up and it felt kinda late so I looked at the clock...9:38: AHHHHHHHHHH! So I jumped up, changed clothes, grabbed my books and hurried to class. I put a piece of gum in my mouth for my awful breath. I got there at 9:43! lol So I was late, but it was okay.
I found a church, River Valley Christian Fellowship. I like it a lot. I also got involved with Awana on Wednesday nights. I'm helping out with the 3 and 4 years olds. I had a blast! I love kids and church...well you know that....lol. It was funny though because I really began to analyze what's going on in the classroom. I see things that I like and things that I don't like. lol But anyway, I met sooo many people. I went in not knowing anybody and I hope I can remember at least a few names for next week. There was a little boy at the end of the night I was talking to...he was showing me a craft project and I asked if he made it that day. He said, "No, I made it when you were gone." Lol Like I had been there and was gone for a week or so and now I'm back. : ) I love that if you know any bit of love and attention to kids and they love you, they want to sit by you, play with you, follow your directions.

Today

I voted today!
I felt very "powerful" filling in the little ovals, and very proud putting the ballot into the machine. I got a sticker and showed it to all my friends. : )

Oh yeah! Who's an adult now?!?! lol

Second Generation Christians

In my Christian Ed class we talked about an idea of "second generation christians." Now this term isn't exactly the best term for it, but basically the idea of Christian parents bringing up their kids according to the Shema. Parents bringing up their kids surrounded by Jesus. Horace Bushnell said it betst: "that the child is to grow up a Christian, and never know himself as being otherwise. In other words, the aim, effort, and expectation should be...that he is to open on the world as one that is spiritually renewed, not remembering the time he went through a technical experience (of conversion), but seeming to have loved what is good from his earlierst years." When I read this, I pretty much yelled out loud in agreement! This is exactly how I grew up. Instead of having some great transformation, it has been more of a progressive impression. I love that! I hope to bring my kids up the same way!

Not that I am a grandchild of God, this is completely different. My faith is my own, as it should be. Part of growing up is figuring out for yourself what you believe. But how great is it be to brought up in a safe enviroment where you can figure out what you believe through being challenged, but also supported and loved with God's love, brought up knowing what is right and wrong...

"I'm only human"

Many times when we make mistakes, when we sin, we use the excuse, "Well, I'm only human!"

In fact, it is the exact opposite! God created us to be human, and we chose to sin...so in fact sin makes us less human! "Sin is a failure to be human!"

Interesting! Something to think about!
This came up in twice in my classes on Monday, independent of one another! CRAZY!!!

College is....

a re-evaluation and appreciation of values....

As a sort of "rule" in my family have to drink at least one glass of milk a day. When I got to college I took one look at the milk "machine" and decided it wasn't exactly important to me. In a way it was freeing. I had tons of options every meal for what I wanted to eat and drink. But I have to admit, although I probably won't drink a glass of milk EVERYDAY, there's something there. Eating healthy and having good habits is a great thing! Well obviously, right!!!!! But sometimes I guess you have to figure these things out on your own.

So here's a shout-out to Mom and Dad for the childhood! ; )

my first Olivet football game

So the football game was pretty.....well, bad! (I'm sorry to report the score: 3-61) : (

But how about that half-time show! : )

The show was a little rough, but it was the first one.

We can only get better right!

I'll admit it, I had a few issues, but I caught everything!!! : D

The strangest thing was the newness of it all!

It was crazy performing in a whole new stadium for a whole new school with a whole new group of people!!!

But it was a blast!

rain

Oh the joys of rain! It rained for about 4 or 5 days strait! A lot of the streets actually were closed on Sunday because of flooding. And so we got out our umbrellas (again) and puddlejumped. Some others decided to play football and ultimate frisbee in Lake Weber, but we weren't so bold. : ) As soon as it stopped raining though...the water seemed to all magically disappear!!!

So anyway that was last weekend for ya!

Pictures of the football game and such are to come! : )

job and life

I got a job! I'll be working 2 hours a day cleaning in Weber. I'll be kept busy, I'm sure, and I really don't mind the work. : ) It would have been nice to do something else, but those jobs fell through for me...sigh. But I'm excited for this opportunity, definitely!

Otherwise, classes are going great. I love the floor! A ton of girls went home for the weekend, so it seems pretty quiet here. I've been making jewelry like crazy and selling some too. I'm planning on building up stock toward having a Christmas party at the end of November, beginning of December.

So that's a little bit of what's up with me! How's life with you?

secret

So I can't exactly go and tell everyone, but I have to tell somebody....I made it onto the judicial committee! I'm really excited! Granted, it would be nice if it paid, but that's kind of against the nature of the work, lol. If you don't know, the judicial committee is basically a group of students that a few of us would be called if a student would break a rule or something. That student might state his or her case for us as well the RD and we would discuss penalties, etc. We would also keep people accountable and such. Anyway, I'm excited to be a part of it.
Thanks for listening! :)

Burpo

To answer your question Wick, Burpo asked for a table at the block party and did some face paint....

Everything from hearts to flowers to years and Michael Phelps (no joke) : )

Just keeping you informed....more pictures to come

Reasons

• I don't have to wake up until 7:30 or later, depending on the day
• All of my professors have started with either a prayer or a devotional for the class
• So many new people to meet
• Even through the craziness of the cafeteria, pretty much everyone is open to you being there seat buddy
• Getting here two weeks in advance allowed me to establish so many friendships and settle in a bit more
• Ordering books online and getting them through my ONU Box (only one more on the way)
• Having wireless internet
• Being able to just walk to a sporting event and watch for free
• It takes about 5 minutes to get anywhere on campus
• Being able to make tea right here in my room at just about any moment
• Most of the work for class being outside the classroom and only having 2-3 class periods a week
• My Christian Education and Christian Ministry classes (MWFs rock!!!!!)
• People are always opening doors for you
• Walking anywhere and seeing at least one person you know
• Random conversations with people you don't know on the way to class
• 2 hour practices for colorguard and not 3 hour chucks (like at band camp)
• Common Grounds
• Forks! (note the exclamation point)
• phone conversations from home
• Movie nights whenever you want
• Friends just down/across the hall
• class t-shirts for $10
• having an excuse to buy ministry books
• "free" stuff
• new customers
• last minute job interviews
• long breaks between classes
• ...

I LOVE

College! : )

"Here I am"

Today I visited College Church of the Nazarene (North) and I really liked it. I still want to explore some other churches but I really liked it there. The pastor talked about loving people and one thing he talked about was from Isaiah 6 and it really stood out.

Then I heard the voice of the Lord saying, "Whom shall I send? And who will go for us?"
And I said, "Here am I. Send me!"
Isaiah 6:8

A lot of people talk about the "call" God has placed on their lives. This call is important, but more than that is the volunteer. The God who created the universe asks for volunteers to do His work.

I volunteer! Send me!

Some more "puke"....sorry

Vacation was awesome! What a great thing family is! Lots of games and fun! Beach time, eat time, baby time, hang-out time. It's strange to think of how everytime we see each other we're all just a little bit different.....what will be different by next time?? Hmmmmm

I can't believe I leave for ONU THIS monday?! When did that happen?

I know I mentioned last time that I was hoping this call that I felt wasn't just me...my Uncle really helped me with that one. He told me about this book by Henry Blackaby, something like Seeing and Knowing God's Will. The book highlights four ways of how to know what God's will is. Basically that it agrees with your passions, God's work, the people around you, and the Church. And I'm excited to tell you that this whole Children's Ministry thing does agree!!! YES! : ) Thanks Uncle Randy!

pleasantly surprised

Have you ever had one of those experiences where you just kind of made up your own stories with a few assumptions and then was pleasantly surprised to find that you were totally and completely wrong....yeah, it's a pretty good feeling. (Even if the situation still isn't awesome)...

Right now I'm in between my back-to-back family reunions. I only have one day left of work this summer. I am very excited to see "that chapter" of my life come to a close. I'm in shock that I'm actually leaving in less than two weeks. Like really moving...not just packing for a trip where all I need is a suitcase. Am I really ready for this? It came extremely fast, too fast, if you ask me. But I will survive, like soooo many people have already.

I have had quite a few reassurances lately. It's soo cool to see God at work. Like you probably know I feel a call to serve in Children's Ministry and it is soo cool to see this call Children's Ministries in the church around me, at the same time. Coincidence?....I think NOT! Sometimes I wonder if (again) I am only doing this on my own, or that these ideas in my head or simply imaginary, but I'm pretty sure I feel God tugging at my heart in this direction. And I figure that if God doesn't want me doing this, than all these green lights I'm getting will start turning yellow or red. I pray that all of this would be for His glory alone, every child/family/parent/volunteer work with would see that in me....

Honestly I really don't remember too much about Sunday School, Vacation Bible Schools, even learning at school. There are some snapshots in my mind, a few things I remember. But it seems funny to me...it's not like I grew up knewing this is what I wanted to do with the rest of my life. I just know that even if I don't remember all my teachers, the crafts we did, the bible lessons...I know that I was changed. I don't remember learning how to read or count or add, but somehow I can do it now. I am grateful to all those people who felt called to teach me. So I hope that even if I am not remembered...God can be found. Lives can be changed. Someone can feel loved. .......THAT would be soo cool!

Panera

The past couple of weeks we haven't been able to get the internet up at our house. I've felt pretty disconnected from the world. I've really come to appreciate the easy access I've had the past year. It's one of those things where once you lose something you realize how "important" it is to you. (Yes I know I'm talking about the internet.)

But anyway, I'm very thankful for my laptop! I visited Panera quite a few times in these past weeks to get things done online and stay up with everything. These trips have become adventures really. You never know who will be at Panera, who you'll talk to, what will be going on around you, the people you'll get to watch. I don't mean this in some sort of creepy way, but it's kind of neat. One time I came here (this is where I'm at now) and this woman was sharing her poetry with friends to get their feedback. She was awesome! It kind of scared me when the group went from hushed discussion to her confidently reading her poetry, almost as if she was one stage. I kind of felt like I was interrupting, but I realized I didn't really exist to them anyway. lol (That's an okay thing) People are pretty helpful when it comes to showing you where plugs are and helping you with other small matters. During the week in the afternoon Panera's walls are lined with people at their own personal tables, on their own personal computers, their own little personal space. It's kind of soothing being part of the group benefitting from a free wi-fi connection. It's a nice atmosphere. I've also overheard a couple of strangers, at the table next to m, meet and talk about their lives, their work out routines, being old...and the books they've written!??!?! I've seen people meet over wedding photos, family gatherings, etc, etc. I can't help but wonder who these people are, if they'll be famous or have been well-known. What these families are all about, where they've been, who they are....

What am I doing at home online learning about what's going on outside, when I could just go see for myself?

one

I start my college career in a month and one day!!! AHHHHHHHHHHH

I'm very excited...don't get me wrong! But wow!!!!
It came down to it and fast!
Time is going to fly by!

Well, here it goes......

an exhale

I feel like I should blog. I'm enjoying reading others blogs; they're insightful, funny, and some good reads. But I don't feel like I have anything to throw at the blogging world that's worth more than 2 cents of anybody's time. Our house sort of was struck by lightning, or something like that, last week, so I'm online at Panera like I've been every couple of days this past week. We have to get a new garage door opener, garbage disposal, some program for our computer so our internet will work, and we currently don't have access to our DVD player after a long time of trying to at least get something to work after our surround sound system was shocked too. I guess that's sort of "exciting," but it's really more of a pain.

Honestly, I feel guilty when these kinds of things happen. All this extra money my parents have to dish out on top of all this worrying over my college expenses. Does it ever really go away?

I am grateful for books to read, and laptops with wireless internet, and places like Panera to lounge at. I'm thankful for money gifts from graduation, and sales all over the place that I can take advantage of for school stuff. I'm thankful for jobs and so many reasons to get up in the morning. I'm thankful for being able to know the VBS theme for next year hours after finishing up this years. And finally I'm thankful that even though my life feels really dry right now, that there is this awesome, amazing, wonderful, loving God that I know about and feel at moments like this who's not giving up on me and knows every breath I breathe, and is SO much bigger than all this money stuff.

Amen!

Vacation Bible School

This is my favorite week of the entire year!!! I love it!!! I love how everyone pulls together to make a week where kids can have a great time and learn about Jesus! To meet a child where he or she feels most comfortable. I love to hear reports of kids talking and making friends, of kids loving the craft room, of the t-shirts being their favorite craft, and so much more! During the week you realize how much your prep was so worth it and how really 60% of the work is before. This year we've been a little down on numbers, but it's been okay. At least we haven't run out of anything, even though we have a ton of materials left!

What's especially cool about this year, having my future plans in mind, is that I am learning so much and keeping note of what to do and what not to do, what I liked and disliked, etc etc. I am sooo grateful for that!

People, people,......please!

You know what drives me nuts!?!?!?

When people choose pictures of themselves and their significant other kissing and put it as their profile picture. Look, okay, I'm happy for you, I'm (maybe) glad you're in a relationship, but I'm your friend and I don't need to see that. A kiss on the cheek is one thing, but can we tone the PDA down a bit!!....please?!?!?

Anyway, the "field" seems to be narrowing. All of a sudden people, my friends, that have been single for forever (with me) are dating. It's not at all that I feel lonely or "very single," like I'm missing out...quite the opposite. I am completely content! So there! What's the point, really! (As far as right now!) It just really irks me!

Just tone it down, a bit, please......not that any one of you would read this (which is probably a good thing...)

my Freshman Orientation is over

...and everything worked out great! God's awesome! I can't believe it's all done with! One of those things you grow up knowing will happen eventually...and here I am. AHHHH!

I'm sooo excited to be coming here in the fall...I truly <3 ONU!

All my classes worked out well that I was talking about yesterday.

My roomie and I will be in Williams 307, you'll have to visit! : ) (Hannah's right below me in 206) ; )

Just waiting for Hannah to get registered than we're heading home! VBS is this week!!! YAY! After that I have to wait for everything!....oh dear

Freshman Orientation

So here I am sitting at a computer in Weber blogging about this Freshman Orientation that I'm in the middle of. I love it!...for the most part, lol. It's good to actually meet people and stay in the dorm and see everything for real. It was really exciting working on figuring out my schedule. The only, which is nice, but also a hassle, is the amount of duel credit classes I've already taken, as well as my ACT score and CLEP test, gets me out of a whole lot of gen ed classes. Being in the Honors Program also adds a whole new loop. It actually made it kind of more difficult. But I think I'm really going to like it.
(I have to apologize for the terrible grammer and use of commas in this! I'm just trying to get this down since I have some down time, but this keyboard is kind of sticky.)
I love that I only have like 5ish classes that are interesting. My honors class is something like Exploring Humanity Thru Film, how cool is that. I'm taking an upper lever class, hopefully, since one of my advisers is the teacher, I'll be in Intro to Philosophy. Then there are a few other classes as part of my major, Christian Education and Christian Ministry, basic stuff. Then the only gen ed class I have is Fine Arts.
I'll be in colorguard in the fall, which means band camp starts August 12, so I leave home August 11-Happy Birthday, Mel..you get a floor to yourself! : )/: (. But anyway, I gotta go eat here pretty soon so I will talk to you all later...thanks for reading and allowing me to waste some time in a great way : )



VBS or bust!

pondering

Have you ever looked back the different groups of people you've hung out with in your life? the people you've dated? your best friends? Do you ever find a trend in similar personalities?

Why is that?

eyebrows

Eyebrows are one of my least favorite things! If I had to pick one physical attribute that I disliked this would be it! Sure, sure without them life would be different, but they are such a hassle for a woman like me to deal with...but my eyebrows have become quite like my life, I think.

As I look day after day in the mirror while getting ready I see them. Slowly and slowly they get worse and worse, fuller, out of control. I say to myself, "Self, you really need to pluck those eyebrows!" And as the days continue, I say to myself, "Self, you really need to take some time and take care of those!"And still I make up excuses...no time, I'll do it later, I'll do it before this event, blah, blah...and it doesn't get done...and I just get angry at myself for making excuses and continue hating my eyebrows. Really taking care of them is a painful experience, but the result is well worth it...and it really doesn't take THAT much time. It's just a hassle.

But I have learned about life from my eyebrows. There are those things in life that need to be dealt with, little nasty bad habits and things. They are painful to deal with, but well worth it. I would rather deal with then everyday hate the part of myself, this habit I have.

But here I am. Eyebrows unplucked.

Colossians

So I've been reading from Colossians in the Message and there have been some verses that have really stuck out to me, so I thought I would share them with you. The Message is soo interesting! Sometimes it can be the epitamy of cheesy, but sometimes it can really help you gain a new perspective on a passage of scripture or a psalm, etc.


"We teach in a spirit of profound common sense so that we can bring each person to maturity. To be mature is to be basic. Christ! No more, no less." (1:28ish)

This is soo interesting to me. To be mature is to be basic? That seems to contradictory. We think of mature people as people that perhaps have all the answers, people that know what they are doing, are in control, have independence, are experienced....I guess the world has placed this in me. I almost have trouble understanding what Mr. Eugune H. Peterson could mena. It seems that to be mature is to live out the most basic and most important concept that life is about Christ. One thing I find similar to this is the idea of a child-like faith. Jesus spoke about having faith like a child. It's like one of the hardest things to fully understand/grasp (this idea of faith, this idea of maturity) can only be met when we humble ourselves, when we go about it "basically." It's not something you have to study, go to school for, master in, pass a test, etc, etc to achieve....it's not difficult, it's strait! Christ is the answer! No more, no less! Got it?

"Meanwhile, we content with obscurity, like Christ." (3:4)

Paul wants me to hide, to be humble, be different, to wait, to not know all the answers....ugh, this is frustrating. It almost seems like's a joke, something thrown in at the end. "You know, this awesome stuff is coming...but in the mean time, well, you're just gonna have to wait and be quiet for awhile." I don't know how I feel about that. This passage just stuck out to me because I love words like obscurity, like enthralled, etc....

"Being Christian doesn't cover up bad work." (3:25)

I would say I'm a pretty good person, but I do make mistakes. Sometimes I make the mistake of being apathetic, doing mediocre work, and I just say, "It's fine this time. I can mess up every once and awhile. I'm still a good person. They don't have to know that I didn't do my best." That is soo dumb! This verse really hit me between the eyes. I'm a fool, sometimes!


P.S. I'm done with high school! No more bad 2 optioned high school cafeteria food, lockers, hours, etc, etc. I graduate in 2 days! I'm still letting the idea sink in.....it's very strange!

Cheers

Here's to you, my friends. You have made this year, well....great! You have been there to talk when I needed it and even when I didn't. You've kept me accountable. I have learned so much from each of you. Thanks for listening! Thanks for caring!!! Thanks for seeking me out! Thanks for the breakfasts and the after school snacks! : ) Kurtis, Aaron, Brad, Julia.....thank you for everything. Don't be strangers! I love you guys so so much!

I feel like I'm becoming something I don't want to be....

10...9...8...7...6...

9 days left! That's it! Then I'm done with high school and I can start with what seems like real life! I know, I know...high schools been important...and I WILL remember this time! But I'm ready to really dig my heels in! I'm ready to be challenged, to focus on what I feel like God is calling me to. I want to be done this very moment...everything seems sooo pointless, but I guess since I can count the days on my fingers there's reason to hope! : )

A few thoughts about my trip to Florida this past weekend...

• Disney World has a whole lot more to offer than expected! It was pretty much a blast (especially when you're with the right people!)
• It was perfect weather while we were there. I only got a little strip of a sunburn (what's with that?)...why is it so cold here in Decatur?
• Friends are amazing!
• The rides were sooo much fun!
• The shows were awesome!
• The Indiana Jones stage is a wind tunnel....there's an interesting story that includes blown up skirts and a lot of laughs!
• Fastpasses for rides are great!
• Disney shows are not overrated for teens!
• This trip made me remember a whole lot of my childhood!
• I went on my first upside-down roller coaster yesterday! Something I would do again if I had to...but am really okay with never doing again!
• Epcot was my least favorite.
• The food wasn't ever spectacular and it was pretty pricey but not too bad if you made smart choices.
• You can always find a way to kill time!
• Take pictures of eveything...you'll only regret not!
• Mickey isn't God! Even though he's pretty cool!
• Mt. Everest was my favorite ride of them all.
• Having good stories to tell is the best way to spend your time in-line.
• I learned a lot from Disney as a whole as far as kids and working with kids
• I want to go back!........ Just after I recooperate from sleeping on the bus! : )
  
  
  

humility...cont

I'm reading The Purpose Driven Life with a friend and today there was this little section on humility and how it is important in a small group (of believers). It said that humility is not thinking less of yourself, it is thinking of yourself less. This makes perfect sense to me...and it sort of helped answer my question.

humility

How do you humbly bounce ideas off someone? What do you say? What words do you use? Yes, of course, have an attitude of humility...okay...? What does that mean?

Is this a dumb question?

Living Sacrifice

My biggest struggle at the moment is acting/doing. I can say the right things. Think the right things. Decide. Make good choices. But a lot of things I'm not actually doing. I have become a hypocrite, apathetic. I HATE that! But as much as I say it, think about it...I'm not doing anything to change it. I know that I need to spend more time in worship and time alone with God. I want to...I know that I will learn so much, that God will speak to me, but....I don't know if I'm just lazy or what it is. I just haven't done it. I make up lame excuses in my mind.
I DO a lot of good things. Actually, pretty much everything I do is a "good" thing, but I don't think it's necessarily what I'm supposed to be doing, how I'm spending my time. There's no recipe or specific life plan I can just follow, so it's choices are difficult. I'm ready to move on. I want the next few weeks to just be over, but there's so much in these next few weeks to enjoy. I need to start listening and acting on things. I need to rearrange a lot of things in my life, but I don't know what. What I need is a good smack in the face! But no one can see this, since I'm not doing anything "bad." So I guess this whole post is just a cry out to the cosmos. -> I'm saying it out loud that I need to change!
God, help me to change! Shape me! May "me" not get in the way of You! May I not just pray these words, but act upon them. May the love in my life not just be a noun but a moving verb. Teach me! I know that you will bless me when I follow your will. I am so sorry for my laziness and apathy. You are so good! So worthy of my praise and so on! I love you so much! I want YOU to be in control, not me!
Today, I kind of crashed for a few moments. God is in control, and I am not. I am a perfectionist, but not everything will always be perfect. People are not going to be what I want them to be. Things can't go according to my plans.
I know, I know you read this whole post and just nod because I'm going in circles....well, welcome to my mind!

Blogging

I want to blog...but I have no idea what to say...

Just so you know...I'm not trying to leave you in the dark!

Confession

A lot of times I say and feel like I KNOW God is there and KNOW that he loves me and that He is good. I KNOW all of that, but I don't feel it! And now I've been realizing how much I don't just say that, but act it out, myself! I KNOW that I should spend time with Him, I KNOW that He is there and it is I that must open the door, call out to Him, take a step, draw closer. I keep saying that I'll have time later. I've been procrastinating! I HATE that! I don't procrastinate. I work on everything else, yet I wait and put aside the most important part of life. The only REAL thing in the scheme of things. Even though I KNOW it won't matter after this life whether I got my paper done a week early and it WILL matter that I spent some time with God in worship and service, I still put the latter off for later. I WANT to, but I don't. I like the idea, but I don't follow through. I really need help with that. I hate that I've become just a talker. I've become one of my biggest pet peeves: apathetic!

Come to me and rest

I need a break...
I am so weary of everything!
So much on my mind (people especially) and so much I want to do. I feel like I have to put on the Bethany face.
My mom is not doing to well, and that really wears on me...she's never the one that doesn't want to get out of bed, or cries because it hurts so much.
I have friends that are going through so much right now, and I can't DO anything for them, except just be here and pray.
And now I'm going away for a couple of days, exciting as it may be, and I can't be here for anybody, or get anything done.
and I feel pitiful, and selfish for feeling all this...

Come to me all you who are weary and burdened and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart....

but it hurts to get outside the box....

So in my last post I was talking about getting outside the box, doing something different, unexpected. I realized that I'm afraid...all I can think of to do differently is all stuff that would be...well, wrong. I want to do something unexpected, but I really don't want to scare people away, or myself. I don't wan to hurt anyone or myself. I am a people pleaser. I want to be dependable, reliable, so I feel like I can't do anything unexpected...and that's what's putting me in a box. I had this dream last night that I was driving down a street like crazy: speeding, passing cars using the sidewalk like some car chase. I passed this cop and I didn't care. I stopped and thought to myself..what the heck am I doing? and just decided I didn't care and kept on going. That scares me a lot, I don't want to become that....I don't know what to with myself. Going with the motions I guess is just the comfortable thing to do.....ugh comfort zones!

getting outside the box

Do you ever get into a groove? Just get so used to things that they don't mean anything anymore? Just going with the flow? With the motions?

I hate that!!

But that's what I feel like my life is in that kind of mode! But I'm antsy!

But I want to be different! Bold! Used!!! Challenged!! I want to do something! Out of the ordinary! I just want to move!!! I want to find! Discover!

I want to open a new chapter!

Go on an adventure!

Take a leap into the unknown!

Much Ado About Nothing

Beatrice - "What fire is in mine ears? Can this be true?
Stand I condemn'd for pride and scorn so much?
Contempt, farewell, and maiden pride, adieu!
No glory lives behind the back of such.
And, Benedick, love on. I will requite thee,
Taming my wild heart to thy loving hand.
If thou dost love, my kindness shall incite thee.
To bind our loves up in holy band;
For others say thou dost deserve, and I
Believe it better than reportingly."

Beatrice - "Will you eat not your word?"
Benedick - "With no sauce that can be devised to it. I protest I love thee."

Benedick - "Peace! I will stop your mouth!"

There's so much more!!! Shakespeare brilliant!! I just thought I would share a few of my favorite parts with you! : ) Enjoy!!

Lent, and some other things on my mind

Thanks for your help with the last post guys! I've been doing a lot of thinking...and praying! : )

So for lent I gave up listening to the radio and everything except milk and water to drink. It's been good..hard, but good. More than anything I've learned a lot about choices. I've really come to appreciate some things. It's good have something in your life as a constant challenge. It kind of helps you to keep your focus, like a little reminder. Maybe that is poor logic, but I think it makes sense. So I'm looking forward to going back to enjoying those things, but I've definitely gained a new appreciate for taste and the calming effect the radio has...lol.

I've been reading a few Shakespeare comedies. I had forgotten how funny they were. The man is brilliant. I would love to go see more plays and dramas, broadway, etc, etc!!! As You Like It is my ultimate favorite comedy. Taming of the Shrew is really good. Twelfth Night is funny, but not as good as the others I don't think. I'm in the middle of Much Ado About Nothing, but it's really good so far. : ) They really don't take that long to read, which is kind of bittersweet.

I am very ready to be done with high school, I only have two months left! I'm sooo bored at school, I have to bring stuff from home to do. I wish I could leave half-way through the day and just get everything done in the morning...oh well. It's strange that everything is coming to a close. Kind of sad, but I'm ready to move on....just not ready to leave.

Thanks for reading my ramblings!

prayer

If you're "praying" for someone...what does that mean? Does that mean you've "prayed" for them? Or that you are continuing to think about them? Is constant prayer really worrying, but okay? It says in Thessalonians to pray continually, what does that mean...I mean, prayer is important, but what about faith? If we keep bringing the same requests to God really mean we have to keep giving them back because we keep taking them back? Can't you know that God is going to take care of it, He's in control and leave it there? Why does it feel good when people say they are praying for you, why do we ask people to pray for us??? Or does praying continually really mean constantly in fellowship with God, talking to him about anything and everything.

3am

So last night I had this dream, I've never had a dream like it before...

There was this little boy, maybe 7 or 8 years old. I don't remember what type of clothes he had, but I do remember that he was bald. He was looking at me and then turned to this idol of some kind. Then he poured blood all over and around it. In the blood he wrote the word MARY with his finger. Then he got up, looked at me again, and started bowing to the idol. It was almost as if he was doing it all in spite of me, the look in his eye.

I woke up. It was 3'o'clock in the morning with a terrible headache. I remember thinking...I've never had a dream like that before. It was really scary, a different kind of fear then any other. My first thought was this was some kind of devil worship. I didn't know what to make of it. All I could do was pray for this kid. I feel like this is some real boy out there. I just prayed for him, and for kids. I don't know what to make of it.

Armor of God

Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. For our struggles is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against authorities, against the powers of the dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the spirit, which is the word of God. And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the saints. Pray also for me, that whenever I open my mouth, words may be given me so that I will fearlessly make known the mystery of the gospel, for which I am an ambassador in changes. Pray that I may declare it fearlessly, as I should.
Ephesians 6:10-20

Notes
Nothing to cover our backs-we are to face our adversaries, we are to “stand”
Not just about how I can protect myself, it is about being “in Christ.”
“You have to go through Jesus to get to me!”
Not about mounting a massive attack –Stand!-Pray!

Defensive
always on/essentials
Belt of Truth – our first piece of armor, covers very vulnerable area. (Covers vital organs for digestion and reproduction) We must understand and see truth first and foremost. We must stand for truth without compromise. Jesus is truth.
Breastplate of Righteousness – Walking and living according to Jesus, everyday. We must choose to put that on. (Covers vital organs - heart and lungs) What are you taking in? What are you “exhaling” out? The heart, set of person’s will…attitude/character/integrity of righteousness?
Feet fitted with…Peace – “Shoes enable a soldier to walk over all sorts of terrain and to make long marches.” We have security, love. Face the devil with calm assurance, no fear. Jesus has already defeated the devil. Part of peace is preparation to face death/persecution/trials. (Phil 4:6)
Armed/”take up”-great urgency
Shield of Faith – our most powerful weapon, responding in faith. Creating a wall of defense when banding together.
Helmet of Salvation – Jesus is my Savior. Protects mind/brain/head- real spiritual battlefield. You cannot save yourself.

Offensive
Sword of the Spirit – The word of God is our only offensive and defensive weapon. A tool. Respond with scripture. Strength (James 4:8) and the devil must flee (James 4:7).


Lord, by faith here’s what I’m doing right now to prepare myself for the coming days. I’m putting on the belt of truth. I ask You to make it very clear to me wheat I am to accept in my life and what I am to reject. Help me to see clearly the motives of others as they deal with me and converse with me. Let me walk in Your truth, making decisions and choices according to Your plans and purposes for my life.
I am putting on the breastplate of righteousness. Guard my emotions today. Protect my heart. Help me to take into my life only the things that are pure, and nothing that is poison or polluting. Help me to live in integrity and to have a reputation based upon doing, saying, believing, thinking, and feeling the right things. Help me to live in right relationship with You every moment of this coming day.
I am putting on my spiritual boots. Help me to stand and walk in Your peace and to move forward in ways that bring Your peace and love to others. Help me to have the full confidence and assurance that come from knowing that I am filled with the peace that only You can give to those who are Your children. Help me to be a peacemaker. Show me where to walk and how to walk as You would walk.
I am picking up the shield of faith. Help me to trust You to be my Victor in every area of life today. Help me to trust You to defend me, provide for me, and keep me in safety every hour of this day.
I am putting on my helmet of salvation. Guard my mind today. Bring to my remembrance all that You have done for me as my Savior. Let me live in the hope and confidence that You are saving me-rescuing me and delivering me-from evil.
I am picking up my sword of the Spirit, the Word of God. Bring to my remembrance today the verses of the Bible that I have read and memorized, and help me to apply them to the situations and circumstances I will face. Let me use Your Word to bring Your light into the darkness of this world and to defeat the devil when he comes to tempt me.
Father, I want to b fully clothed with identity of Jesus Christ today. I am in Christ. He is in me. Help me to fully realize and accept that He is my Truth, my Righteousness, my Peace, my Savior, the source of my faith, and the ever-present Lord of my life.
I want to bring glory to Your name today. I ask all of this in the name of Jesus. Amen.
(Stanley, Charles F., When the Enemy Strikes, p170-171)

Don't get comfortable!

That means that soon...you'll have to be stretched!

when I thought it was done (getting some thoughts out)

(Just don't read this.)

When can one make an effort to make things better?
When is it truly out of my hands?
How can I balance?
Why do I feel so impelled to continue even considering trying to be a friend?
Why do you feel that way?
Why am I putting myself out there?
What do you see in me that you hate so much?
What can I do to change that?
Do I need to change?
Or is it you that needs to change?
Who am I to judge that?
Why am I so worried about this?
Why is this a problem again, after I thought it was forgotten?
Why can't I DO anything?

fantastic, majestic, brilliant, wonderful, the epitome of...

So recently I've read the book Farenheit 451 and right now in English class we're reading the book 1984. Now, if you've never read these books, they're classics. Both are very thought provoking. Farenheit 451 is a story about a man of the future, a firefighter who instead of fighting fires rather is in charge of burning books. Books are evil, silly, everything in them is nonsense, so there is no point of having them. In 1984, (which I'm only a little less than half-way through) the world is controlled by Big Brother. Basically the government controls everything, EVERYTHING! Even ones thoughts....if any action you take shows even an inkling that you are thinking for yourself, you "vanish," you are erased from society. History is changed. All there is is anger. Anger unifies. Any other emotion is too powerful, to passionate. Even language is narrowed down to smal words, creativity is no longer necessary, even tolerated.

These books make me both grateful and afraid. After reading Farenheit 451 I want to read everything I get my hands on. I want to become more knowledgable, fill my brain. I've heard that there is so much space in ones brain that they will never use. 1984 makes me want to learn to words, expand my vocabulary. The books makes me want to stop saying "like" with every sentence. I want to have deep conversations and be challenged. I want to be asked hard questions that I don't know the answer to. I want feel. I want to be real. I want to write. I want to experience things I've never experienced before. I want to find brilliance in the day to day. I want to create. I want to do things people wouldn't expect me to do. I want to think outside box.

being young

Don't let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in life, in love, in faith, and in purity. Until I come, devote yourself to the public reading of Scripture, to the preaching and to teaching. Do not neglect your gift, which was given to you through a prophetic message when the body of elders laid their hands on you.
Be diligent in these matters, give yourself wholly to them, so that everyone may see your progress. Watch your life and doctrine closely. Persevere in them, because if you do, you will save both yourself and your hearers. 1 Timothy 4:12-16

Flee the evil desires of your youth and pursue righteousness, faith, love and peace, along with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart. 2 Timothy 2:22


There's so much to say. What a call to those who are young! What an opportunity! We are not called to just learn, or listen, or watch, or just grow up as the world spins, or wait to explore, lead and be....but we are called right NOW, when we are young, to be examples! Us! Of all people! People see us, they look to us, younger and older. Some say we are the future of the church. Yes, this is true, but we are the church! I am part of the church! The body of Christ! Even though I don't have as much experience as the Sunday School teacher, or the pastor, or the old guy that serves communion, or the organist. I am part of the body and God has called me, he has called you, to be an example of His love, His mercy, His grace.

How can I be an exampe in my speech? How can the words I say hinder or help those around me? My image? How can I worship Christ by the words I say?
How can I be an example in life? In how I live? In the decisions I make? In my attitude?
How can I be an example in love? In how I treat others? Am I being real? authentic? What is my purpose? How can I spread Christ's love?
How can I be an example in faith? Am I really in this relationship? Do I trust God, or myself? Do I say one thing and act another? How am I living my life? God's way?
How can I be an example in purity? Are my motivations pure? Is my life pure? Am I lukewarm? cold? hot? Does my life reflect righteousness? Are my thoughts noble, admirable, lovely?

God call us, even now, to immerse ourselves in teaching, preaching, scripture, prayer. Do not neglect your gifts! What am I called to? How can I serve God with these passions? What desires has he laid on my heart? God will bless us! He calls us to do away with the "evil desires of our youth," and pursue good things-righteousness, faith, love, and peace. We are not alone. God is soo good! God never fails! You are called!

Personally, this verse has really helped me. It's soo strange growing up and always being too young. And now as I finally am getting to the stange of being....well, not too young. It's a scary and daunting and overwhelming thing. I can't possible be old enough to be 18! I'm not old enough to be on my own. I'm not old enough to take college classes, to be a local ministerial candidate. But they tell me I'm old enough. God reminded me of these verses, challenged me really. Even if I feel young...He has called me. Here and now. Not later, not next week, not in a couple of years, not after college.....now! I am His! What can I do to worship him? To minister to my friends? children? families? the church?

Do not neglect your gifts!
Be diligent!
Give yourself wholly!
Immerse!
Devote!
Persevere!

I am Yours

I am Yours!

Wow! What powerful words I have spoken! And yet never could I fully realize how bold they are! I am Yours! Words of comfort to me! Joy! Unending love!

I am Yours! Hold me, Lord! I am your child, the daughter of a King, whose love is beyond measure! You are my father! I trust you! You have taught be so much! I am Yours! Thanks for being their to catch me, because You love me that much, because I am Yours!

I am Yours! What a challenge! So much trust! Do with me as your will, Lord! My life is in Your hands! I trust you with my EVERYTHING, my life, my desires, my future....! Just as Mary said, "do with me as your will! I am Your servant!" So I say, I am Yours!

I am Yours! I am not my own! I am nothing without You! You are my everything! Together we are love! Your are my God! I am Yours! Who am I to have control! You are so big! I am so little!

I am Yours! Only Yours, Lord! Words of love! Passion! A promise! What an intimate moment of worship! I've never fully realized the power of these three little words! I imagine that moment when I could give my self to the man I have committed my whole heart, my whole life to. And I would say, "I am yours, I am no one else's, but yours. I want no one else! You have captured my whole heart. You are wonderful! I love you! I am yours!" But before this man, I have fallen head over heals for my Savior. He is the lover of my soul! I am Yours, Lord! You have captured my whole heart! What an awesome God! You are so good!

And truly, Lord, may it be so, I am Yours!

Sick of being sick

You know when you dive into the pool, and your ear's fill with water. You feel them plug, but there's this instinct in you...you look forward to the relief of draining the water out. I love that feeling! It's just one of those simple joys in life.

Except when your sick, and your ears are plugged, your inner ears are plugged. You look for relief and the relief never comes. And then this pressure builds up, and sniffling only adds to the pressure even though your nose can't decide whether it wants to run or be stuffed...reminds you that you're human, I guess. When you expect to feel better, and only continue to feel worse.

Relief will come, eventually.......I hope.

God is good! All the time! He is good!

I hate television

Television consumes you and I hate that. Television is a good thing. It's entertaining and relaxing, but it consumes you. I always feel guilty after spending an hour, a couple hours, an afternoon, watching TV. To think of the things I could have done during that time. My mind remembers this, always, but my body yearns for a time to relax, take a load off, and it easily forms to the couch. It's lazy, really. And then I feel guilty all over again.

There's just a little insight to the makings of Bethany.

Ear Infection

So after being sick earlier this week, today an ear infection hit me, full on. It hurts soooooooo bad and it keeps getting worse as the day goes on.

I just think it's interesting. Everything coming in my left ear is muffled. When there are lots of things going on, it's really hard to focus on one specific sound. I can be having a conversation with someone. I can look strait at them and know they are talking, hear their voice, but I have no idea the words coming out of their mouth. I keep asking them to repeat again and again what they've said.
I can totally see this in my communication with God. I know He's there, right here, and he's talking. He knows all and has great plans. I can also feel Him at times, hear snippets, but I can't get the whole message. I keep crying out, "God, guide me! Show me the way!" But there's always stuff in the way, like ear infections, busy schedules. My life is so LOUD that I can't hear him.
Not until I silence the other voices, and focus on hearing only His voice, those coveted, unknown words will I get their full meaning and effect. And it's worth enduring the pain for.

Women in Ministry

I've been reading recently a lot about women in ministry. Something I'm very fascinated in since that is what I've been called into. I always have wondered how 1 Timothy 2:11-12 could possibly mean.

"A woman should learn in quietness and full submission. I do not permit a woman to teach or to have authority over a man; she must be silent."

Could that mean that women shouldn't be pastors or church leaders? Surely not. Paul in many of his leaders encourages many women who he as been serving with. Such as Junia, Lydia, and Priscilla. After reading a few commentaries on this passage I have drawn some conclusions. 1 Timothy was written for the church in Ephesus. There were a lot of troubles here that were hurting the church and disrupting worship. Paul mentions throughout 1 Timothy certain things such as anger and disputes, as well as women who were dressing immodestly, questioning authority and teaching falsley. In order for the church to be unified and the church to worship, Paul says that these things must be stopped. Clearly women were becoming a problem in Ephesus.
The thing that I found the most interesting in this passage actually goes back to its original greek. The only time Paul uses the word authentein to stand for authority is in this passage when He says that women should not have authority over men. This is very unique. Unlike other words for authority, Paul uses this one. Authentein rather than to have authority over, or be in charge means to domineer. In other words, Paul did not want the women to dominate the church, like a tyrant domineers. I believe this is the case for all people, tyranny is never a good thing. Paul encourages women throughout his letters to teach. We do need to be quiet and submissive, everyone, so that we can learn.


Another interesting thing that I read about is the possible author of Hebrews. The true writer of Hebrews is unknown, some ideas for authors include: Barnabas, Apollos, Paul, Luke, and Priscilla?!??!?! Yes, a woman may have been the author of the books of the Bible. Because the name of the writer was lost, some believe, had Priscilla written it, her name might have been left off manuscripts because of prejudice. Priscilla was an active member of the early church. She was good friends and ministry partners with both Paul and Timothy. This places her in the right time frame. Many also believe there are some themes and passages of Hebrews that seem more feminine, or seem to have a female writer. The author sometimes refers to "we" as well. Some believe that Priscilla and her husband, Aquilla, may have written teh book togeher. It is believed the book was first written as a sermon.
Makes sense to me. : )

Pretty cool stuff. I find it very interesting. I certainly intend to keep looking.